Scripture Verses – Ephesians 5:22-33 & 6:1-4
Family is a blessing. It is all for a purpose that we are in a family. From creation, God saw how important it was for man to have a family. Some singles think that they are not in a family and would rush to get married but you are in a family even if you are single. We need to care for our natural family as well as our spiritual family.
Marriage is hard work. Apostle Paul likened the union of marriage to Christ and His church. How much do we commit ourselves to the things we say about our marriage? Is our marriage only the wedding day? Before you can think of the wedding day, you have to think of the lifetime together.
The institution of marriage is under attack in this present day. We recognize the plan of Satan is to blend what God has created with the world to damage the truth. Marriage is made up of a man and a woman. A mother is a female and a father is a male. There are different things that the female brings to the male and the male to the female.
Do not take your family likely. We have to fight for our family and our marriage. We have to fight for something that God has created and has also approved. We do not lose because we learn from the experience. As couples enter the covenant of marriage, they must be aware that they have to work.
Six Phases of Marriage
Each phase requires the husband and the wife to work together. Marriage is work! One must work as a team and the team must pull in the same direction. You have to put all of your energies and strength into it. In a marriage, there must be a pulling in the same direction.
1) The Honeymoon Years
This is the first stage where two people from two different backgrounds join together as one. This is where differences and similarities can show up such as finances, intimacies and personal habits. Words such as “you can’t” and “you won’t” are the voice of accusation. Husbands are always talking even though they are silent but the wives have to always listen. The patterns established in this phase can affect how you go forward. This typically settles down after the birth of the first child or the desire for children. Those are the times to cement the friendship between each other before you have a child. You need to reinforce your foundation which is honesty, relationship and spending time together. When waiting for the child, it is the time to cement the relationship.
In some cases, the marriage may not even survive the honeymoon stage but God is willing to work with us because it was His idea. God will work with us once we are willing. He is always giving us a choice. In marriage, you have to forget yourself. No person is ever wrong.
2) The Birth of a Child
After having the child, there is no longer the two of us. This phase can be draining but you must also pay attention to your relationship. It is not only the two people but the extended family also has an influence in the marriage. They have a role to play to help them to keep the covenant that they made before God. In this stage, you need to make deposits of emotional support in the bank account.
3) Rearing the Children
This is a big chunk in your marriage. In this time, you and your children are growing and changing. You need to continue to deposit into your relationship to stay connected to your spouse so that you would recognize the changes in emotions. It cannot always be about the children. The discussions cannot always be about the children. The children are not supposed to sleep on the bed with you and your spouse. This period causes a lot of stress where you want to expand your house or your career. You must stay connected when the stresses come and when they go. Your foundation is key.
4) Child Launching Years
This is where the children become adults and make steps to become dependent. You are not raising a child but you are raising an adult. You must say to yourself, “what kind of adult do I want to see?” The parent needs to get to the child’s level. It is eyeball to eyeball.
5) Emptiness Years
This is where the emotional support you have put in, will be tested. Have you all grown together or grown apart? This is where you find out what your marriage was built on. Never get old; you must always keep the fire burning in your marriage.
6) Death of A spouse
Do not underestimate that the body of Christ is a family. It is important to recognize the presence of people around us. What did you learn when you overcame the challenges in your marriage?
The fruit of the womb is the reward of God (Psalms 127). It is not just your womb but it can be the womb of others. We have to invest not only in our children but the children of others. Parenting has to be extremely intentional. If you don’t feel parenting from your heart, you are not really parenting. Family discussion, prayer and support is needed in this time to produce an atmosphere of unity.
This is the time where you have to instil values into the lives of your children because there are a lot of other authorities like teachers and caretakers who have an impact on your children. It is important to know God’s mind concerning your child. Children need constant affirmation from their parents. They need to hear what they are doing right and not only what they are doing wrong. Children need to know that when they mess up, they can depend on their parents. Move quickly to rebuild the relationship. Teach them to have compassion, the importance of self-respect and to respect their elders their parents. Teach them to express appreciation, the social graces and to respect their bodies. In order to teach them this, you have to live by example.
A child should never be made to feel responsible for the happiness of adults. Don’t vent your feelings on your children because of your marriage problems. As you dedicate your children to God, you realize the plans that God has for them. You have to be available and always love. You need to give your children the opportunity to fly.
We have an awesome gift in our marriage and in our children.
